And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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