Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
