I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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