watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
