a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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