Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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