I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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