he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
