moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
