Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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