My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
