They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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