I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
