Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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