No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
