watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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