these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
