You're so nebulous sometimes
Everything about him screamed your future.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
