Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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