The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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