I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
