try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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