You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
