You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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