They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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