Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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