Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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