Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
