I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
