He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just pee around me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
