I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
