Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
