Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize