I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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