Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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