Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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