he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
