he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
