Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
