dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
