all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
