That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
