What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
