I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
