woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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