Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
