You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
