i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
