and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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