bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
