I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
