I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
