So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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