I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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