dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
