We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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