guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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