Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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