Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
