I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
