Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
