i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
