hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
