I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Everything about him screamed your future.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
