Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
