I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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