I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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