Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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