look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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