You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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