you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
