After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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