you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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