Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
