A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
